Top 10 reasons why computers
- 10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
- 9. A better model is always just around the corner.
- 8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
- 7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
- 6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
- 5. The best part of having either one is the games you can
- 4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
- 3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
- 2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
- 1. Size does matter
..and the quid pro quo:
Top 10 reasons why compupters
must be females:
- 10. Picky, picky, picky.
- 9. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
- 8. Beauty is only shell deep.
- 7. When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing".
- 6. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
- 5. Always turning simple statements into big productions.
- 4. Smalltalk is important.
- 3. You do the same thing for years, and suddently it's wrong.
- 2. They make you take the garbage out.
- 1. Miss a period and they go wild
Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad!
Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the
most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name
After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk
with you. "Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married
30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never
offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around
with women a lot. Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid
you can't marry her."
George was broken-hearted. After eight months he eventually started
dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced,
"Dianne said yes! We're getting married in June.
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and
broke the sad news. "Dianne is your half sister too, George. I'm
awfully sorry about this."
George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with
the news his father had shared. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess
I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time
I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister."
"Heheh," his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "don't pay any
attention to what he says. He's not really your father."
Johnny is walking with his father in the park and they see two
dogs locked in a sexual embrace. Little Johnny not understanding
what the dogs are doing asks his father, "Daddy, what are those
two dogs doing? To which the father replies, "They are making a
Later that night Johnny wakes up and walks down the hall to his
parents bedroom and catches his mother and father making love. Johnny
asks his father, "Daddy what are you and mommy doing?" To which
the father replies, "Johnny we are making you a little sister."
Johnny thinks for a few moments and responds, "Well, daddy
could you roll mommy over? I'd rather have a puppy!"
kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When
the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher
was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon
little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude.
But eventually his turn came.
Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a
piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat
back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had
in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just
what that was. "It's a period" reported Johnnie. "Well I can see
that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, " but this morning my sister
said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted
and the man next door shot himself."
gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section.
The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't
have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm
smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until
we reach Jamaica." The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks
the woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a
good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get
the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they decide this
is a man's job and get the co-pilot. The co-pilot goes up to the
blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes
to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot
what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her
the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".
A teacher has a class
of infant children on a day trip from school. As the children
board the bus the teacher told the kids "As we are out from school
today, we will all be acting grown up."
Once the bus had left the city and was in the countryside, it
passed a field of cows, where upon Jenny shouts "Look Miss, moo-moos."
The teacher says "Now Jenny, as I said before, today we are being
grown up, so it's cows not moo-moos."
Ten miles further down the road the bus passes a field of sheep
and William pipes up with "Look Miss, baa-baas." The teacher again
states "No William, as I said before, we are being grown up today
so its sheep not baa-baas."
Meanwhile, Johnny has been sat quietly at the back of the bus
for the journey. The teacher grows concerned about this and asks
"Johnny, what are you doing?" to which he replies "Reading, Miss.".
The teacher then asks Johnny "And what is it you're reading?"
Johnny replied "Winnie the Shit, Miss."
There are three
blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and
offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks
to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired
woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous
one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black
haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the
The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge
A blond is driving
down a country road. She looks over to the right, and sees another
blond, in a row boat, out in the middle of a field, rowing. The
first blond can't believe her eyes, stops the car, and gets out
to look at the blond in the rowboat. The longer she looks, the madder
she gets. Finally she says: "You know, it's blondes like you that
give the rest of us a bad name. You're just sitting in the middle
of a field in a row boat rowing. That's stupid. And if I could swim,
I'd go out there and kick your ass."