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A married woman is having an affair.

Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," the man replies.

"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.

"No thanks," the man replies.

"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.

"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he is in.

"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.

"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.

"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.

"Yes it is," replies the man.

"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.

"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.

"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.

The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."

"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.

"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.

"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness", the father explains as he hauls the child away.

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Don't you start that business in here," the priest says.


This man and this woman are riding next to each other in first class.

The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off.

The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off.

The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person exists.

A few minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He takes his wang out and wipes the tip off.

The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenarate are you?"

The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What are you taking for it?"

The man looks at her and says, "Pepper."


Boot Camp!

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But When two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' ---that did it."


Last Day to Live

A guy goes to the doctor for a checkup. The next day the doctor calls him back to the office and says "I have some really bad news for you. I have checked this result with several of my colleagues and we have come to the same conclusion. I'm sorry to say you only have one more day to live."

The guy is shocked. He ends up in a bar for the remainder of the day trying to decide what he should do for the remaining day of his life. He finally decides he will go home and make wild and passionate love to his wife before he leaves this earth. When the guy gets home that evening he sneaks into the bedroom and takes off all his clothes and crawls into bed. For three hours he has sex like he has never had sex before. After he is finished he is completely exhausted and crawls to the bathroom, completely spent. Upon opening the bathroom door he is surprised to see his wife in the bathroom with a mudpack over her face. He asked puzzledly "How did you get in here."

His wife then says "SHHH!!! You'll wake my mother..."

 


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